Morning Coffee

It often surprises me, although it shouldn’t, how God continues to show his perfect timing in many aspects of my life. This morning started out as any other morning would. I got ready for school, drove what seems to be the longest fifteen minutes of every single day, and was sitting outside my first class waiting for the preceding class to let out. As I was sitting there, my phone vibrated, which usually indicates a text message. The first thought that came to mind was, “Seriously, I have to get rid of this Twitter thing. It’s so annoying!” On this morning, though, I was studying for a Psychology midterm. The text message was from L.J., and it contained just a short passage of lyrics from a song: “His promises are true. He’s always closer than we’re far away.” It seems almost instantly, all my thoughts, fears, concerns and problems were rearranged and put back into perspective. I have yet to understand how L.J. continues to contact me at the perfect time. You see, this isn’t the first time that God has laid it on L.J.’s heart to just randomly send me a text message or call me. It could be something as simple as telling me that she prayed for me that day, or as convicting as challenging me to make time for God every single day. Each time this happens, though, I can’t help but drop everything I’m doing, close my eyes, and just genuinely thank the Lord for such an empowering friend and woman of God. Every single time I look at Curtis or L.J. or Jay, I am constantly reminded of how far I have come as well as Curtis and my relationship. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t a joy-ride. It was convicting and emotional. Every morning that I wake up and every night before I go to bed, I thank God for giving me such a wonderful, caring, spiritual, intense man of God in my life. Curtis, you have been by my side for almost two years now, and I have seen on so many occasions the Lord giving you the ability to be my strength when I was weak. You are always there to convict me if I’m wrong in my thinking, and I could never have imagined a better person to share my life with. And Curtis, you were first to show me what it really means to be so on fire for the Lord, and I thank you so much for that. You seem to have endless ways of showing me how much you love me, and I couldn’t ask for more. I love you, sweetheart.

The day didn’t just stop at the text message, either. When I got to work, I received an email with a note attached from Mitzi Hawley describing what should have been the most unbearable day for her. A year ago, today, her son and a dear friend of mine was killed in a motorcycle accident. As she mentioned in her letter, she was preparing to have a “pity party,” but even more so just a complete breakdown. Instead, she shared of how the exact opposite happened and how God lifted all her burdens off of her shoulders and she rejoiced. Mitzi also mentioned how God sent His angels to her this morning, to take care and watch over her, and it reminded me of the lyrics that L.J. had sent to me earlier this morning. The lyrics had even more relevancy when I looked them up in their entirety. It could not have just been coincidence. After reading her 4-page letter, I had yet another “God moment” for the second time today. It’s so encouraging to see others, with God’s strength working through them, being able to get through such hard times. We, as humans, can’t do it all by ourselves. And until we step back and realize that and put it all in His hands, we will be miserable trying to carry it all on our own.

“All my thoughts and this confusion

Brings me down to this conclusion

That I’m a man of conviction

I’ve wasted time out of window panes

No place to go to recreate

The feelings that I have inside

When I spend time with You

We are never alone

Bringin’ down angels today

His promises are true

He’s always closer than we’re far away…”

Excerpt from: Far Away by By The Tree

        Yesterday was so incredibly powerful for me because, yesterday, I believe God allowed me to experience and understand something that I was never able to completely comprehend before.  I cried.  Yesterday, I cried and not because of something that had anything whatsoever to do with myself.  As I was talking to Curtis on the phone yesterday, and he was explaining to me how upset he was with how things had been going for him at work, I cried for the sole reason that he was hurting.  His emotions directly affected mine, which in turn, made me realize a lot of what it means to love someone.  Never have I experienced such an overwhelming feeling of hurt and sadness due to a linkage to someone else’s emotions. 

        I honestly believe that God was trying to tell me something yesterday, and I also believe that it was just what I needed.  What awesome timing and how amazing is He for continuing to show his presense in our relationship. 

“Love, love me do

You know I love you

I’ll always be true

So, please love me do”

Excerpt from: Love Me Do by The Beatles

These times are troubled and these times are good
And they’re always gonna be, they rise and they fall
We take ‘em all the way that we should
Together you and me forsaking them all
Deep in the night and by the light of day
It always looks the same, true love always does
And here by your side, or a million miles away
Nothin’s ever gonna change the way that I feel,
The way it is, is the way that it was

When I said I do, I meant that I will ’til the end of all time
Be faithful and true, devoted to you
That’s what I had in mind when I said I do

Well this old world keeps changin’, and the world stays the same
For all who came before, and it goes hand and hand
Only you and I can undo all that we became
That makes us so much more, than a woman and a man
And after everything that comes and goes around
Has only passed us by, here alone in our dreams
I know there’s a lonely heart in every lost and found
But forever you and I will be the ones
Who found out what forever means

When I said I do, I meant that I will ’til the end of all time
Be faithful and true, devoted to you
That’s what I had in mind when I said I do

Truer than true, you know that I’ll always be there for you
That’s what I had in mind, that’s what I had in mind,
When I said I do

When I Said I Do: by Clint Black

        Another boring day at work.  Another day of endless solitaire.  Another cup of hot chocolate from Turkey Hill.  Another angry stomach that is growling due to yet another breakfast that was never eaten.  Another half hour gone by with still no customer to wait on.  And all for what; a paycheck that is barely worth my time?

        Back to school it is, then.  I’m stuck with the one and only option left of conforming.  Conforming to what society says is the only way to be successful nowadays.  Because, apparently, having a degree automatically means something.  Just because you have a degree in a particular field, doesn’t mean you learned anything.  There are people out there who do just the bare minimum to pass a class with a 70 and learn diddly squat just to say they have a degree.  On the flip side, there are people who would be ten times better in that same field with absolutely no schooling whatsoever.  My opinion?  It’s decidedly inconvenient and unfair that those who might happen to be more qualified wouldn’t even have a chance at having their resume being considered once the employer sees there is no sign of a degree anywhere on the page.  Whereas, a person with a degree becomes hired on little or no experience. 

        So, you may or may not be wondering my field of choice.  I’ve decided on Radiography (X-ray Technician).  I’m not going to go into an entire epic story of how I know this is the field for me and how I know it will be something that I will love doing for the rest of my life.  Because, quite frankly, the kind of person that I am doesn’t allow me to be happy with any one thing for an extended period of time.  I get bored with everything eventually, and yes, it’s very annoying.  I really do wish somedays that I could be like a lot of  people and just “know” what I want to do for the rest of my life.  I’ve been out of school for two years now, and I’m still not happy.  I’m not saying that going back to school is going to make me happy.  In fact, it’ll probably make me even less happy due to my complete inability to enjoy any activity of that which has even a minute resemblance to the education system.  But, nonetheless, this sacrifice I am willing to make so that, one day, I will be able to properly care for and financially support my family.

        So, once again: Penn College, here I come.  Scared out of my mind, but here I come.

        I’m just going to put it bluntly.  There’s no beating around the bush with this.  Last night was just…disgusting.  

        It started out all fine and dandy.  I fell asleep around 11pm.  Around 1:45, though, I woke up and just felt incredibly sick to my stomach.  I’m not a “thrower-upper,” at least, I don’t do it often.  So, I tried to find every way possible not to throw up.  It eventually got to a point when I WANTED to, just for the mere fact that I could possibly feel better and go back to sleep, which is required to be lucid at work the next morning.  My job is boring enough; I didn’t need to be practically falling asleep on my desk, which is tempting even with a full night’s sleep.  

        My stomach eventually started to cramp up and feel sore.  It  didn’t really help that I had, had no supper last night.  So, I eventually drew myself a bath, and “tried” to relax.  Well, it must have helped relax something, because I wasn’t in there any longer than five to ten minutes, and my body was hunched over a white plastic bin that I had with me, bringing up whatever it was that my poor stomach had left in it.  That’s when I wish that I had eaten something earlier that evening.  It hurts so much more to bring up, well, nothing.  I felt better, so I went to my bedroom, got some blankets and then headed to the couch so I would be able to sleep upright.  I probably dozed off for maybe ten to twenty minutes, and then every person in my position’s worst fear happened: I wasn’t done being sick.  The nausea came back, and my stomach, at least point, was just so sore.  It was almost annoying, because no matter what I did, I could not find a position that was comfortable.  I sat different ways, I walked around, nothing helped.  So, I did what I knew worked last time:  I drew another bath.  

        Sure enough, it worked just as well as it had the first time.  This time, I was bringing up the Pepto-Bismol I had taken, which was the last of the bottle and I was desperately praying that I wouldn’t need more.  

        Finally, after four hours of complete agony, I made the call to my boss at 6am and let him know that I wouldn’t be into work today.  

        What a crappy day off… =(

NEED:

1. New camera lens (if I intend to prosper in photography, which I do)
2. New computer (if I intend to, again, prosper in photography, which I do)
3. New Vacume Cleaner (because, frankly, I like a clean home and my vacume now is about as useful as a blow dryer is for dusting)
4. A Nice Crock Pot (Curtis and I like to cook, and a crock pot would be very useful)
5. Nice Cutlery Knives (because my knives that I have now are about as useful as cutting with chop sticks)

WANT:

1. Tickets to a Cirque Du Soleil  ——  Official Site
2. A Trip to the Corning Glass Museum  ——  Official Site
3. A New Car
4. A Nice Couch Cover (Slip Cover)  —— OverStock.com
5. Dinnerware —— Overstock.com
6. Nice Chargers (to go with the dinnerware) ——  Target
7. New Silverware  ——  Choice #1, #2, #3 (I really like #1)
8. New Area Rug (for my living room, because my animals aren’t good with bamboo…don’t ask)

        It’s my 21st Birthday this year, but all I really would like to do is go out to a nice dinner with my boyfriend and family.  I guess a really nice birthday present would be for my mom to come in to my apartment, and help me shampoo my carpets.  They really need it.  I’ve been wanting to do it for a while now.  A also need a new area rug for my living room, because my dog destroyed the one I have now (it’s made out of bamboo-type material).

        Usually, I just treat going to the Farmhouse in the spring as my birthday “present.”  It’s relaxing there, and I love it.

        I feel as though my 21st Birthday is supposed to be special or something, but I’m really not that excited about it.  It’s just another number, just another year…