Morning Coffee

…consist of:

1) Sit

2) Lay down (in progress, but getting there)

3) Go in your kennel

4) Shake   

…and last, but definitely not least…

5) High five

        We sure have one smart dog.  Yup, it’s true.  She’s awesome! =)

…even though exhaustion has seemed to hit its peek…

        With every day that goes by, now, I find myself being less and less motivated to keep on going like I’m going.  For the first time in a long while, I feel like being a waitress is a waste of my intelligence and that I should be doing something more with my life.  It never bothered me before, and at points, I had even convinced myself that I could make a living of it.  I honestly have no clue what I was thinking…or maybe that’s it.  I wasn’t thinking.  For the most part, I’ve always seemed to take life too seriously, and have expected more of myself just because I didn’t want to let other people down.  

        Where has the past year and a half gone?  It’s been a year and a half since I’ve stepped foot inside of a classroom.  It’s been a year and a half since I’ve studied, taken notes, done calculus-level math, solved an equation, sat in the grass on a sunny day in between classes, ate at DeSantos for lunch with Danielle, hung out in the dorms/apartments, stayed up ’til 4 in the morning on a school night (every night), or scribbled down my homework quick while sitting and waiting for the professor to show for class that day.  

        My point is, I need to make my life worth something again.  I want to WANT to get up in the morning because I’m excited to go to work.  I don’t want to dread going to work anymore.  With every passing day, drama and gossip build up more and more to a point where looking down off of all of that, you would think it would take years to fall.  I know so many things about so many people in our community that, most of the time, I wish I didn’t know.  From affairs to drug deals, from mishandling money to who has STD’s, you name it, and I probably know someone who’s done it or has it.  I’m tired of it all.  I need a change and I need one soon.  

        My patience with the customers has pretty much his its all-time low.  I keep to myself nearly every morning these days.  My boss/cousin keeps finding more and more ways to get on my nerves even worse than she did the day before.   It’s sad, though, that I all I keep thinking about is how many days I have until Mel has to close the store so that she can move all of her crap out in time.  Hopefully, that day is as schedule: September 30.  My coworker and I are saying our employer will wait only but a few days before that deadline to actually close the restaurant.  Hah!  Please kill me now (lol…sarcasm, of course).

…on a lighter note, I did not have my morning coffee this morning, and surprisingly enough, I didn’t get a headache.    Hah!  How sad…

        So, just recently, my employer received notice from her landlord that she was to make her restaurant pretty much non-existent in his building.  Oh, and he gave her 60 days to do it.  He, and the two other owners of the building, want to make it a sports bar and restaurant, instead.  There is absolutely no possible way that we can buy a new building, rebuild, and move in within that time.  Consequently, I’m applying for new jobs left and right.  I’m staying pretty hopeful.  I’ve never actually had a real interview before, but I don’t think I’m gonna get worked up about that.  I’m a reasonably personable individual and have improved my people skills over the past year from working in a restaurant as a waitress.  So, as for the interview, I’m not worried.  Overall, I’m surprisingly pretty excited to be possibly getting a new job.  I need a change, and I haven’t been happy for a while where I’m at.  

        Don’t get me wrong.  I love my job and what I do with every fiber of my being, but I get bored easily (and this is perhaps one of my biggest downfalls in life).  I’m getting tired of female drama, and all the gossip that comes with it.  I’m exhausted from working my butt off everyday, because we’ve been short employees since February, and my boss really has no intention of hiring anytime soon.  Oh wait, she just hired this older lady so she can teach her how to cook.  So, instead of relieving the waitresses, who seemingly work harder than the boss does, don’t get any relief.   I feel that looking for a new job is wrong of me to do, though.  See, my boss is also my cousin.  This “working for family” issue makes me feel obligated to not let her down by leaving her without help.  I suppose I just need to suck it up and get the guts to confront her and tell her that I’m not happy working there anymore and that I just need a change.  

        We were talking, somewhat, about it the other day, and she swears that she understands if I’m not happy anymore and need something new.  But, unfortunately, something tells me that she’s may take that back as soon as she realizes that this is exactly the reason I need to leave.  Also, she is a very confrontational person.  She’s definitely not afraid to speak what she thinks and not even blink an eye about some of the words that may come out.  This is why I may a little hesitant to approach her about the issue.  But, I know, I know, it has to be done.  It’s wrong of me to hold off on telling her, which will most likely just make things worse.  

…let’s just hope that tomorrow’s morning coffee will shine a new light on some things…

        Just a few days ago, my mother handed me this book called, “Next Time I Fall In Love.”  It’s a book aimed toward helping people of all ages in understanding what a “true love” relationship should be about and how to deal with the common problems most couples run into.  So, I started reading it, and it’s actually pretty good.  My mother said to me, “As you read it, you’ll see yourself in it, you’ll see Curtis, and sometimes you won’t see either of you, but it’s a great book for both of you to read in order to help sort out certain issues you two may be having.”  So far (and this makes me sad), I’ve seen that it’s mostly myself that may actually be the problem in the relationship.  Although there are things that BOTH of us need to work on, I honestly think that I may be the main reason why certain issues come up.  I’m not even that far into the book and I already think that it would be an excellent read for any couple of any age, married, or just dating.

…a good read to have with your morning coffee.

…I don’t need a morning coffee to realize/know that…

        I’m talkin’ mostly to the girls on this one, and most of whom could probably, most likely, more often than not relate to what I’m about to talk about: mood swings.

        Guys, I sympathize.  I really do.  Girls are up, then they’re down.  They’re happy, angry, sad, frustrated, confused, right, and wrong all at the same time.  I KNOW that it’s not easy to understand us.  Heck, even we (as in we girls) don’t even understand what goes on in our heads.  Funny, we ask that you try to and understand us and understand what we go through, but when asked to try to help them understand, most girls don’t even know how to try and begin to break things down into simpler terms so that maybe we could explain.  It’s not really that simple.  You know by now, guys, that there is ONE certain time of the month, that you should really try and avoid either seeing your girlfriend or making your mother mad.  You’ve learned what kind of an effect a girl’s “cycle” has on her.  Me?  I get angry for dumb things…things that I would normally laugh at.  The funny (or rather, pathetic) thing is, is that I KNOW I’m doing it as I’m doing it.  I know that this is stupid, but it’s almost like I can’t control it.  Last month, I was bawling my eyes out and laughing hysterically at the same time.  It was the oddest feeling, because I was bawling and I didn’t know why…so I thought it was funny.  Next thing I knew, my body kind of just loses it for a short time and tries to go between laughing and then crying would take control in the middle of a good laugh.  It was so odd.  Yet, when I look back on it, all I can do is laugh and shake my head…because, honestly…I don’t even know how it all started.

        Hormones go crazy.  I know girls.  We take things out on everyone, even ourselves.  We beat ourselves up over the small things, blame everyone around us for our miserable state, even compromise relationships.  Sometimes, I really wish that somethings could be done about it…but, honestly, I don’t think any drug a doctor could give you could make such feelings go away.  No wonder men think we’re insane and unstable sometimes.  They will never understand, and quite frankly, neither will we.

…mood swings…no amount of morning coffee could possibly prevent…