Morning Coffee

        Another year has gone.  For some, it was their last.  For others, it was their first.  And for many, it was just another year where life seems to just lose track of time.  Spinning on an axis at 1,038 mph, the world seems to never sleep, nor do the people living on it since we seem to rush around in our busy lives at a faster pace than that even.  Granted, we United State-ians are moving at a much slower 700-900 mph, which we share with Europe as well.  The previous number was for the people along the Equator.  And yes, Google is awesome. 

        I look back at the past year of my life, and I have come to the conlcusion that it was quite possibly the best year of my life so far.  I’ve had a lot of experiences within the last year.  Some, I hope will never reoccur.  While others, I am so grateful for.  Everything has been a great lesson, and whether I learned from them or not, they’ve made me who I am today.  In the past year, I got to experience California for an entire week in March with an AWESOME group of friends.  I definitely recommend a Hollywood experience at least once in life.  It’s not life-changing or anything, just………..interesting.  A little before California, Curtis and I , and a couple of our friends, went to NYC.  It was my first time, but certainly not my last.  I think I’m hooked, now.  In June, I went with Curtis and his family (parents, brother, brother’s girlfriend, two aunts, two uncles, four cousins, and Grandma) to North Carolina for a week to enjoy the wonderfully relaxing Outer Banks.  They rented a house for the week, which after we came home, we found out that the house that shared our driveway with us was rented out by Richard Gere the week before we were there.

        Just a few months ago, I broke up with Curtis.  Knowing that it would better our relationship, it was still one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  He was, is, and always will be my best friend.  The thought of hurting him like I did was utterly devastating.  But, in the end, God helped us through that time in his own way, bringing us back together into a new, God-based relationship.  Needless to say, we are so happy together and every day feels like the first month of our relationship.  I still feel giddy around him and still just can’t wait to see him again as soon as he leaves my apartment.  He’s my Best Thing.

        This year, I made my mother cry at Christmas.  It was a good cry, mind you.  My mom is pretty much my second best friend.  At least, she feels more like a friend to me than a mom.  And, honestly, I think that’s how it’s supposed to be.  There’s nothing that I can’t tell her, and if I try to keep anything from her, she either finds out anyways, or I eventually cave and tell her.  Well, I sell Sterling Silver jewelry, and she had been looking at this watch, which isn’t even remotely close to being cheap.  She made a list for my dad and brother of the jewelry that she liked for possible Christmas gifts, but neglected to put the watch on her list.  She knew that it was too expensive, so she saved my dad the drooling over how much it cost.  I guess you can pretty much tell where this is going.  I bought the watch for her for Christmas.  I got it as the half off item, but still had to pay a good chunk of it with my own money.  She opened the box on Christmas day, and I think I was in tears even before she even saw what it was that was in the box.  My mother means a lot to me, and she has helped me through a lot.  She’s always there, even when I feel I’ve upset and disappointed her way too many times.  So, thanks, mom.  I love you. 

        As for the new year, who knows what it will bring.  Will it be my last?  Maybe.  Will it just be another year?  Most likely.  All I know for certain, is that it will inevitably bring more experiences and more life lessons to learn from.  But, honestly, can anyone really ask for anything more?

        Alright, so after reading a friend’s most recent post, I figured it’d be a good subject to talk about. 

        My first on-my-own experience (without the parentals), ever, was my high school graduation night, which, according to the majority of my friends at that time, is late in life to have my first.  Nevertheless, I had “an experience.”  I didn’t get wasted, because I didn’t know what my limits were and I was deathly afraid of getting “caught” or something.  My friend’s dad was watching us the whole night and had taken our car keys and such.  It was a good night.  I’m not going to say that I started making a habit of drinking after that, because I didn’t.  It was something, though, that I started doing when friends came home from college just because it was something “fun” to do.  And unfortunately, it IS fun.  I wasn’t becoming an alcoholic by any means, but I DID abuse it whenever I did have a drink.  I knew the effect that it had on me, so I didn’t just want to drink socially anymore, I wanted to get a buzz.  I was only drinking once every couple of months, but I didn’t see anything wrong with it until I met Curtis.  Granted, when I met Curtis, the last time I had gotten a “buzz” was a little over half of a year prior to meeting him.  Regardless, I still had the same mindset about it.  I haven’t gotten drunk for almost two years now.  In fact, and Curtis can testify to this, I can’t even stand the smell of most alcoholic beverages now.  I still like my girly drinks (smirnoff and wine coolers), but nothing that could get me plastered in less than a half hour.

        A little over a year ago, I had a bad experience at a friend’s house.  A close friend of mine had consumed way too much for his/her size and was completely obliterated.  This person blacked out and stayed that way for several hours.  I was so paniced, because I had never been around someone who was ridiculously drunk before.  I didn’t know what was normal.  This person ended up messing themselves, so we friends stipped this person down and managed to shower them.  Eventually, he/she finally starting vomitting up the disgusting alcoholic poison, but was still blacked out mind you (so we had to aim him/her toward the bucket and just hope that it all made it into the can).  It was a rough night and I vowed to myself that I would never allow myself, nor would I allow my friends to get into that position again. 

        So, thanks to the ones who DO drink for teaching me how not to.  =)

        What is love, folks?  How many people in your life can you honestly say that you love unconditionally?  What does it mean to love unconditionally?  Well, the Bible speaks of unconditional or “agape” love as a love that is always there.  It can often be explained as the sacrificial love that a parent has for their child regardless of whether such love is reciprocated.  Obviously, that’s not the only situation that agape love can present itself.  Marriage is based on agape love, or at least it’s intended to.  When Curtis and I broke up, I did so, because I felt like I wasn’t at the point in my walk with Christ that I felt I needed to be at in order to have a Godly relationship as we’re intended to.  My mind wondered to other people when we had hard times.  I admit it with a heavy heart that Curtis wasn’t the only person on my mind during that time, hence, why I felt like we needed a break from each other.  It didn’t feel fair to him, and it wasn’t.  During the time we were apart, a good friend of mine, Lauren, was a huge inspiration to me and helped me through a lot.  She gave a devotional book that I started doing on a daily basis, and for the first time in my life, I actually WANTED to go to church and not just because I felt like I had to.  A month had gone by, and Curtis never left my mind nor my prayers.  I saw him in church one day, and I just had an overwhelming feeling of calmness.  I went home from church that day knowing exactly what God was telling me to do.  That night, I waited for Curtis to get home from Katie’s so that I could tell him how I felt.  Since that night, our relationship has continued to be blessed and is forever growing by putting our faith and trust in the Lord for every step of the way. 

        Granted, I’m not saying that there aren’t times when I want to just stay mad at Curtis, but I can’t.  I love him so much and all that he does for me.  He has been there for me through some pretty rough times.  We’re each others’ best friend and there isn’t anything that I can keep from him (other than the occasional surprise dinner or what I got him for Christmas or his birthday).  I know that many of his friends aren’t too crazy about me.  I know that they think he is stupid for taking me back again.  I know this.  I know I don’t deserve to be trusted with his heart again.  I haven’t given anyone, including Curtis, any reason to trust me.  Then again, Curtis hasn’t really given me any reason to trust him, either.  He still does things that should make me trust him less, but for some reason, I still trust him.  Maybe I still “trust” him because the things that he does that should make me not trust him are just things that he thinks I’m hiding.  I’m not hiding anything, therefore, I’m not worried if starts “snooping around.”  The only part that I don’t understand is why everyone in my life is so supportive of our new, Godly, relationship while everyone in his life seem to be so skeptical?  He’s not the only one who got hurt.  I got hurt a lot, too.  But it seems, just because I was the one who ended it, that makes me the bad one.  I feel as if people have an opinon of me and who I am, and they don’t know anything about me besides what Curtis had told them during the bad times in our relationship.  Is that fair?  Obviously, I am a little bitter about this, but do you blame me? 

        Yes, I still get angry with Curtis.  Yes, I sometimes just want to be alone and away from him so that I can get over whatever it is that I’m mad at him for.  But nevertheless, I don’t love him any less.  He’s stuck with me, now.  He IS the man I love and he IS my one and only.

        I just want to take some time and talk about my favorite things in the world, which are my animals.  I love them so completely, and don’t know what I’d do without them.  But sometimes, they can get to be a little much.

        Alright, so do you remember Reece?  Well, she’s about six inches taller and can’t stop chewing on….everything.  Oh, and that trick that she used to do, “Go in your kennel,” yeah, that doesn’t exist anymore.  She also has this rather bad/really gross habit of (when she’s at my apartment) going into the room where the litter box is, shoving her head through the little hole of the box and pulling litter-covered feces and or urine-balls out and eating them.  In the process of doing so, she completely covers my nice rug in that particular room with litter and poo.  We usually know when she has just done it, because 1) She’ll be gone for quite some time and 2) She’ll come out licking her mouth violently, because the litter that WAS dry sticks to her lips (that are wet).  It’s so disgusting, but she seems to enjoy it. 

        As for the kittens, I completely adore my kittens.  The only time I tend to like them less is when they decide to come snuggle with me in my bed, nuzzle themselves right under my chin, and then proceed to fart right in my face.  Zayda, the older of the two, has turned into an angel ever since I got her spayed AND all four of her paws declawed (at the same time).  She had never been such a baby, until I brought her home right after her surgery and she was so sore.  I babied her like an awesome mom should and she’s been such a mush ever since.  She’s especially taken a liking her dad, Curtis.  She takes naps with him all the time.  As for Zooey, she’s always been an angel.  Everyone who meets her always comments on how loud she purrs.  I mean, this cat REALLY purrs.  It’s really annoying when you’re trying to sleep.  Out of my four cats, she’s the only one that I can’t stand to fall asleep next to if she’s purring.  That’s another thing: no matter how close Zayda is snuggled into me while I’m falling asleep at night, Zooey ALWAYS has to be closer.  Oddly enough, Zayda doesn’t really show signs of minding much.  Zayda was curled up in my armpit sleeping one night and up comes Zooey, purring away, onto the bed.  What does she do?  She starts stepping all over poor Zayda, trying to find the perfect spot right under my chin.  Well, she ends up sprawling out, covering Zayda’s entire body except for her head, which she extents her neck as far as she possibly can and lays it overtop of Zooey’s body.  The two of them actually slept like that with me for a few hours. Only when I rolled over to change my position did they move off of each other, but still stayed close to me for the rest of the night. 

        So, instead of coffee in the morning, I’ve replaced it with Turkey Hill’s Hot Chocolate, but I mix just a little bit of their French Vanilla Cappuccino in with it.  It’s pretty tasty….try it.

        If any of you have seen the beginning credits of the semi-popular television show, “Two and a Half Men,” then, hopefully, you will understand the title and be able to put the tune to it yourself.  If not, I’m sorry.  It’s just the first thing that popped into my head when I was trying to think of a “title.” 

        I know I haven’t posted in quite some time, so I’m going to try my best to catch you all up on what’s going on in my life.  So, here it goes:

1.  I have been working at Jersey Shore State Bank for almost two and a half months now.  I’m just a part-time teller, but I’m not worried because:
2. I am also now a Sterling Silver Jewelry Representative.  I sell this jewelry and, so far, it has proven itself to be an excellent investment on my part.
3. I got rid of my kittens, including the mother.  I kept the calico one of the bunch, though.  She was just too cute to resist, and is now an adorable 4-month old kitten that responds to the name, Zooey.
4. As of Tuesday, December 9, 2008, Curtis and I celebrated our (ready for it?) “1-Year-Knowing-Each-Other-Versary.
5. And last, but certainly not least (THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AND PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRST) I would like to just say that I have let someone into my life recently who has made incredible changes in me, and has helped improve my relationship with my best friend in the entire world (Curtis).  There’s another man in my life who comes even before Curtis.  Have you guessed yet?  I am letting you all know that Christ is my “main man” now and He has helped me through a lot in the past few months.  He has saved me and I am forever grateful for Him and all he has given me.  He’s given me a man who I LOVE unconditionally and all of the happiness a person could have in this world. 

        Work is pretty boring.  We aren’t a busy branch, so there’s a lot of time for us to just sit around and do “nothing.”  Usually, I occupy myself with Solitaire, reading FoxNews.com, or working on jewelry business. 

Oh, and I’ve kinda, sorta given up caffiene.  So, that means no more coffee, folks.  Only on occassion.  I get decaf when possible.  Good evening!